Screwing a VP with style

Usually stuff at work is pretty boring, not even worth a blog entry. But a few weeks ago, I received this mail forwarded by a colleague which was written by a customer.

In the corporate world, the heads of companies are very tactful in their language. So instead of saying “You are doing a poor assed job,” they’ll say something like “Please see me to discuss how we can improve your handling of my business”.

So, here we go, a proper tactful screwing from one corporate head to another. Note the strategic use of bold and underlined statements.

Dear Mr. Vice President,

We had our conference call last night, and I must say we are disappointed that neither you nor Mr. Program Manager (our company’s customer liase) were part of the call. We really need your company upper management support. I would like to have a discussion with you tomorrow morning my time please. I can call you or you can call me, please let me know which works for you.

ROHS PRODUCTION ORDERS

Mr. VP, we are very concerned about our production orders. The po request dates listed “SHIPMENT PLAN" are real dates that I need the boards on my dock. While we realize that at this time we must get past the prototype build and testing, we are expecting your company to be expediting materials to meet our po request dates, which is over 7000 ROHS Mother Boards from now through January, and over 2600 ROHS Video boards from now through January.

At this point, your company doesn't have commit dates that support getting Us the 2000 piece pull-in, yet we're striving for 2900 pieces. Also, the schedule says you are shipping about 200/day, with the next shipment 9/12/06. We need to increase that quantity and pull-in the dates. Per my discussion with your company personnel yesterday, it appears that the facility supplying you with fabs is really a problem. Are you personally involved by discussing with their management MR. VP?

Lastly, Bill and I both offered to pay your company premium for overtime, including weekends. Is your company working OT? Looking at the production schedule, it doesn't look that way to me.

After the next 2900 pieces we need this month, we have another 1000 due in October and 1500 due in November. Is your company working to those dates?

Mr. VP, In summary, We need your help. We have had a very good relationship over the past few years, however we feel we've lost something along the way and would like you to visit our company (located in the US) by the end of this month. Then we can understand each other's needs and hopefully rebuild our relationship.

Regards,

One Pissed Off customer